Taking Responsibility

You know one thing that really bothers me?  When people don't take the blame for their own sin.

(And yes, I realize that we all blameshift - it started way back in the Garden of Eden and it continues to this day.  This bothers me when I do it, too, no worries!)

For example, if a little kid steals a cookie when he has been told to wait until after dinner, that's clearly wrong.  But I think most people get more upset if the little kid steals the cookie and then lies about it, especially if the evidence is visible on their face and hands!

That's the emotional reaction I get when faced with blameshifting, only on a much, much larger scale.

Justin told me yesterday that I'm probably the most "objective woman" he knows, which I guess I'll take as a compliment, lol!  I really try hard to assign both the blame to the appropriate person (which more often than not is me).  Thus, when someone I'm close to doesn't handle a situation well, I'm pretty quick to say, "I know that must have been a difficult situation, but you still shouldn't have acted on your anger, so you need Christ's forgiveness as much as the person provoking you to anger does."

[And really, that situation comes up far more often than you'd think!]

I guess that, maybe, that's why I get so frustrated when people refuse to take the blame for their actions.  (I also like assigning credit, but that's a whole 'nother story!)  Blameshifting is essentially a denial of sin.  When I blameshift, I am lying and claiming that I'm more righteous than I really am.

Obviously, Christ's righteousness is mine in the eternal sense, but in this physical world, I'm still way more full of sin than I realize.

For some reason, my biggest area of ministry tends to be with people who have led hard lives and have become bitter, unforgiving, and depressed.  Some of these people were abused as children or adults; some of them experienced difficult times financially or with relationships; some of these people just can't seem to get on their feet for no discernible reason.

Not all people who have hard lives are unable to forgive and move on - but some just can't (or won't) forgive the people who have hurt them in their pasts.  That's where the issue of blameshifting comes into play, because the majority of people who refuse to forgive are convinced of their own righteousness.

For example, say that someone was abused as a child.  The abuser was absolutely wrong and, according to God's law, should suffer and burn in hell for all eternity.  But the fact of the matter is that God calls us to forgive our neighbors and to love and serve them.  I honestly don't care who that neighbor is.  Anyone who wrongs you, you're called to forgive.  Even if the abused child had done nothing to provoke the abuse, that innocent person needs to forgive the abuser.

It's hard to forgive people for their actions in a situation where you believe that you acted correctly.  Trust me, I know - but I also know that, if you don't forgive, that anger and bitterness will stay inside you and eat you from within!

But if the abused child grows up and still holds a grudge against the abusive parent or sibling, that child becomes dangerous.  Sure, a five year old child doesn't really hold a lot of sway in the legal world, but once that kid grows up... he could literally ruin lives.  Once that person can get his teeth into the person who has wronged him, this will only end in tears.

I'm not saying that sin shouldn't be punished (by the legal system - I'm not advocating vigilante justice or anything!), but as Christians, we are called to discipline, not punish.  This especially applies if two Christians are fighting, or in this scenario, if the child and parent are both Christians.

Especially if the abusive parent has since repented of his sins and clearly stopped the behavior and has tried to rectify the situation, the abused child has no right to hold this grudge against him. 

Moreover, the child (now grown up) has absolutely no right to wallow in self-pity, saying, "Woe is me!  Look what a rough childhood I had - give me sympathy!"  And it's that behavior that drives me completely batty.  Yes, you had a rough childhood.  No, that doesn't give you the right to whine and carry on and generally act like a spoiled brat.

I'm all for working through problems, and a part of that is talking about the issues and expressing how you feel about them, because you have to understand what's going on before you can try to do anything about it.  However, at a certain point, talking ceases to be helpful and begins to be burdensome.  YOU are responsible for your actions and reactions.

So I guess what I'm saying is this: Stop blameshifting.  Start taking responsibility for your own actions.  Keep fighting the bitterness in your heart!

And remember - Christ died for you.  He was willing to take the responsibility for all of your sinful actions and die for them, and he still forgave you! I certainly don't forgive perfectly, and I don't realistically expect anyone else to, either; at the same time, Christians are called to emulate Jesus.  And Jesus forgave you perfectly.